Forgive and forget

I heard someone exclaim "I forced myself not to remember". Hearing it sent shivers down my spine.

I can assure you that I have spent my whole life telling myself that, conditioning myself to forget the ills of others or the terrible situations that have befallen me, events that charge me emotionally, yes more so in the negative way.

But hearing that said out loud made me think twice about how I view the phrase "forgive and forget". Most of us I would dare say have been brought up as a kid learning this. For a long time, I used this sentence literally, forcing myself to forget things, thinking that it will make me happier and more relaxed, more sincere around the people that have knowingly or unknowingly "offended" me.

What turned out to be a good gesture turned complicated haha! As I grew older, I found it harder to forget and even if I did, I think I lost the meaning of the lesson, the value of it. I spent lots of time debating in my head what I was supposed to do. I tell myself I learnt the lesson but perhaps, I was just trying to assure doubtful self that I had. Time and time again, my mistakes have become like the chords D A B F# G D G A in Canon in D.

We all go through so many experiences a day, and being infallible, we are bound to make mistakes. These may be bad memories but what do we do with them? Throw them into the trash or put them into the recycling bin, where it will be processed and be churned into something innovative and useful?

I realised the importance of remembering the lesson for the value of it and perhaps to keep some of the feelings I had. These feelings go a long way in helping me remember not to make such mistakes again. I think about it, I feel the hurt, I know I will not cause such harm to people again, or not make other people's mistakes again because the feeling stings. I be cursed if I let such an event happen again.

It is impossible to forget completely. But, why should we when we can use these for better purposes?

How apt. I was just reading my cross-cultural barriers reading which was about the Civil war in Spain and how till today, the Spinards are divided as to the cause of the war and how to deal with the consequences. They do not speak of it and experience historical amnesia. It's not even being taught in schools! I remember somewhere in our sec 1 history book (probably chapter 1) which states that we learn history to prevent mistakes from happening again. There's no problem if the problem does not come by again. What if it comes again? Besides, victims of the Franco Regime are still waiting to be rehabilitated. After 7 decades! This delayed suffering could have been resolved so as to free the victims earlier.

Perhaps we should stop using "forgive and forget". It doesn't work and doesn't make sense. Instead, how about "forgive, remember, and let it never happen again"

Sounds morbit but I guess the lesson is more important!

Anyone with better suggestions?